Beware - Toilet Humour Used Excessively
by MrPresident
Summary: There is no summary. Deal with it.
1. In The Beginning There Was The Word Chap...

Disclaimer: I do not own most of the ER characters. I do however owe part of the Abby Lockhart character. I bought one of her toes on Ebay or at least I was told it was one of her toes. That toe will feature predominately in an upcoming fic entitled, 'I Just Don't Toe'. I do not know when this fic will be available as there are currently a few creative problems but hopefully I will find a way to write a 20-chapter story from the point of view of one toe. I will prove to the world, and my mate Paul, that it can be done.  
  
Warning: I am aware of the fact that not everyone in this world is as comfortable with so-called 'toilet humour' as me. So this is to warn those people, who offended by said humour, not to read any further. And especially not to read chapters 2 and 3 since they are really crude. In fact I recommend that everyone skip those chapters, as they are probably too crude to be viewed by anyone. I hope that this warning will help people to avoid the crude toilet humour that I find so amusing. People should not read words such as 'anal', 'leprosy', 'ass', 'broom' and of course 'urinary tract' if they don't want too. Thank you for your time I am sure it could have been better spent.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Outside night was drawing its dark hand over the streets and alleys, all in complete silence. It fought a running battle with the streetlights for control of the streets. The beams coming from these man-made steel poles were just enough to keep the darkness at bay. However no one inside county general noticed this eternal struggle. They were busy trying to win a battle of their own. A man had been bought in with severe abdominal injuries sustained from a horrific road accident. There had been a pile-up and this guy had been driving the vehicle that had caused it. He was a lorry driver who had been running late, so he had decided to take some pills and try to make up the time at night. The result was an accident that involved fifteen cars and two other lorries. Emergency services were quickly on the scene but as with most road accidents the injured had to be cut out of their cars. This took time, time that many of them didn't have. The first batch of injured were bought to county with a message to expect more, a lot more. In a slice of irony that life seems to be so full of the lorry driver had been the first to be cut free and so the first to arrive at county. Despite this piece of luck the man was in serious danger of losing the battle. The team of doctors and nurses worked franticly on him but he seemed to be doing little good. After a while one of the doctors stopped what he was doing, a female nurse noticed this, "Carter what's the matter?"  
  
He replied looking straight into her big brown eyes, "This isn't working. We need to do a [insert complex surgical procedure] and we need to do it now!"  
  
The other doctor had also stopped what he was doing and said with a strong accent, "We can't do that down here. Neither of us is qualified."  
  
"I'm qualified. I have done one before when I was a med student."  
  
"That was years ago. We have to get this guy stable enough so he can go upstairs."  
  
"And this will do that."  
  
"It's too dangerous."  
  
"This man will die if we don't try it."  
  
"Abby? Do you think we should do it?" He turned to the nurse standing on the opposite side of the patient.  
  
She looked up at him and said with a calmness that seemed out of place, "We have to try."  
  
Even though nurses usually don't have any said in the care of a patient in trauma this response appeared to convince the doctor. "Okay, we'll try it."  
  
After a couple of tense minutes and several very nervous moments the procedure was completed and the patient visibly improved. The alarms, that had not a short while ago been screaming, were silent. The foreign doctor, known as Luka Kovac, was the first to speak. He turned to the other doctor and said, "Good job, Carter." These words don't convey the true amount of respect that this doctor was showing.  
  
The other doctor, called John Carter, replied without looking up, "Thanks."  
  
Kovac went out of the room after giving the nurse, Abby Lockhart, a few instructions about the patient's care. Carter and Abby were left alone with the unconscious person lying on the bed in front of them. It was a while before one of them spoke and that person was Abby, "Real good job, Carter."  
  
This time he did look up, "Did you think I could do it?"  
  
"Honestly, no."  
  
"As long as we are being honest neither did I."  
  
"You didn't? But you sounded so sure of yourself."  
  
A grin crossed his face, "That's what you get from taking acting classes."  
  
"You took acting classes? You truly are a renaissance man. Was this before or after you took dancing classes?"  
  
"After."  
  
"What other classes did you take?"  
  
"I'm not saying."  
  
"Oh, come on. Art class? Pottery? Ten ways to kill a guy with only your bare hands?"  
  
"There were actually only five ways."  
  
"Oh really." They were both smiling by now. "Think you could take me?"  
  
"I don't know. They didn't tell us how to attack women."  
  
"Why does that matter?"  
  
"Women fight in a different way to men. They tend to use the nails a lot more and they are more likely to go for the groin area."  
  
"Men don't go for the groin?"  
  
"Nope. It's against the male code of honour."  
  
"Men have a code of honour?"  
  
"Oh yeah. We are given it on our tenth birthday. It covers a lot of subjects. There is the no hitting the groin rule. Don't steal your best mate's girlfriend unless she is really hot. The same goes for mothers, sisters and possibly even aunts."  
  
"How come I haven't heard about this code?"  
  
"We kept it a secret."  
  
"Will you be in trouble for telling me?"  
  
"I'll tell them you beat it out of me."  
  
Abby let out a laugh that was a lot louder than she had intended. This in turn made Carter smile, he thought she looked so cute when she laughed. However the laugh had attracted the attention of a Dr Weaver. She immediately started to shout at them for wasting the hospital's time and they should go treat some patients or get new jobs. After she was gone Carter looked at Abby and said, "That was all your fault."  
  
"My fault?"  
  
"You're the one who laughed."  
  
"You made me."  
  
"Next time you should try and restrain yourself more."  
  
"There is going to be a next time?"  
  
"Sure. You think you can resist my witty humour? I think not."  
  
"You are not as funny as you think you are."  
  
"Am I as funny as you think I am?"  
  
She left the room without answering the question but with a smile on her face. 


	2. This Is Your Final Warning. I Beg You Do...

Chapter Two  
  
As each hour arrived so did a new batch of casualties. Most of them were didn't have life threatening injuries but there sheer number of causing a problem. Weaver had called in all available staff that wasn't already there but there was still a backlog of patients waiting to be seen. She got all the doctors around and told them that they needed to speed up in their treatment time. Kovac was the first one to speak and he said what they were all thinking, "Keri, we are going as fast as we can. There are simply too many people."  
  
She replied, "I know this is a tough situation but we have to quicken up. There are far too many people waiting to be seen. Everyone grab two charts and have at least one of them out of here in half an hour." The doctors all just looked at her and some slowly moved towards the charts. She raised her voice the second time, "Come on people! Let's move!"  
  
This got them moving and the line to the charts began to quickly disappear. Carter and Susan were the last two doctors to chose. When it was his time Carter looked down to see what sort of problems his patient had, "Urinary Tract Infection? Oh you have got to be kidding me." He heard a laugh from the figure behind him. "Think it's funny? Come on what did you get?"  
  
Susan looked down at her charts and smiled, "Two cases of thermal burns."  
  
"Oh that's great. We're in the middle of a large-scale road accident and get bladder problem guy and what do you get? Thermal burns. Life is so not fair."  
  
Susan noticed that Carter hadn't looked at his other chart. "What about number two?" She said while pointing at the chart.  
  
He looked down and huge smile flashed across his face and he said a low voice, "Anal Stenosis."  
  
She couldn't help but laugh. "Now at least you have an equal choice."  
  
"Oh you're just loving this. Come on swap me one of your burns."  
  
"Not a chance." She quickly started to walk away so that he couldn't grab one of her charts. After a few steps she said over her shoulder. "Have fun, Carter."  
  
He smiled and looked down again at his charts and if the words would change on the second reading. While he was doing this a familiar voice was directed towards him from behind, "What you doing, Carter?"  
  
"Deciding which is better Urinary Tract Infection or Anal Stenosis."  
  
"You trying to get some sick leave? If you are can I suggest trying a less disgusting disease."  
  
He smiled, "Thanks Abby but I was trying to decide which patient to treat first."  
  
"Oh, those are their problems? What were they out of leprosy?"  
  
"Very funny. Everyone has a good laugh at Carter. Have you thought about the two patients with these tragic diseases?"  
  
Abby looked at the floor, "No. I'm sorry."  
  
There was a period of silence between the two.  
  
Abby lifted her head and said, "How are you going to keep a straight face?"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"Well, have fun."  
  
She began to walk away when an idea suddenly popped into Carter's head that made him smile. "You know Abby I think I may need some help."  
  
She stopped dead in her tracks, "What?"  
  
"Help. I may need some."  
  
"Oh no you don't. I'm not going anywhere near them."  
  
"Come on you're a nurse. You care for the sick regardless of what problems they have."  
  
"Not me. I draw the line at any disease with the words 'Urinary' or 'Anal' in it. Besides I'm very busy at the moment."  
  
Weaver walked past them and Carter turned to her, "Dr Weaver can I use Abby for a minute. I have two particularly difficult patients."  
  
Carter handed her the two charts and she looked over them and started to nod, "Okay. But you should be able to discharge the urinal infection fairly quickly."  
  
"Sure thing." Carter was looking Abby when he said this. She had a look of contempt on her face, which had appeared as soon as he spoken to Weaver. They both headed off in the direction of the patients. When they were out of Weaver's earshot Abby turned to Carter and said, "I can't believe you did that."  
  
"Maybe you should think two before you laugh at someone else's misfortune."  
  
"Misfortune? I'll show you misfortune."  
  
Luckily for Carter they had reached the room before Abby could do anything. He showed her the two charts and said, "A or B?"  
  
"A."  
  
"Anal Stenosis it is then."  
  
He opened the door and gestured her inside. She walked past and shot him a glaring look that only made him smile. 


	3. If You Didn't Heed The Last Warning Then...

Chapter Three  
  
After an extremely disgusting form of treatment Carter was able to discharge the Urinary Tract guy. However the Anal Stenosis was a different matter. The treatment took slightly longer than Carter had expected. In fact it took so long that their absence was being to be noticed. Susan was standing in the admin area when she noticed that Carter's patient was still up on the board she turned to Frank and said, "Hey Frank. Do you know where Carter is?"  
  
He replied without looking up, "How the hell should I know?"  
  
She didn't seem to hear him, "Is it he still with that Anal Stenosis guy?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Do you think that something might have happened?"  
  
"I'm not sure there is another way to say it, I don't know."  
  
It didn't really matter what Frank said at that point as Susan has begun to walk over to the room where the board said Carter's patient was. She reached the door and heard a noise that sounded like a wild animal crying after stepping onto one of those bear traps. She immediately pulled the door wide open and her face dropped in shock. The patient was leaning on his side with both Carter and Abby staring intently at his ass. It looked like part of Carter's hand and reaching inside of the guy. All of them looked round at Susan when she opened the door but none of them said anything. Carter went straight back to what he was doing and asked Abby for an instrument which made her turn back too. Only the patient stayed staring at Susan and it was him who was the first to speak, "Excuse me, do you mind?" He directed this towards Susan and then turned to Carter, at least tried to as his current position kind of restricted the amount of turn he could achieve, "I thought you said this wasn't one of those procedures that make other doctors come and have a look!"  
  
Carter brought his eyes up from what he was doing, "It isn't. Dr Lewis probably came in for a very good reason didn't you Dr Lewis?" He said the last part while turning to face Susan.  
  
She had by now recovered from the initial shock and was able to at least speak, "err.. yes. I did come in here for a reason." She took a little time to think. "Weaver wanted to know what was taking you so long."  
  
"There was a complication."  
  
"What sort of complication?"  
  
Carter started to strain quite a bit and just managed to say, "I'm kind of busy. Abby do you mind?"  
  
Abby instantly knew what Carter wanted her to do. She went over to Susan and spoke in a quiet voice, "There was something up there." She made a sudden movement with her head.  
  
Susan still looked rather puzzled, "Up where?"  
  
"There." Again Abby made the movement with her head.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Up there."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"How did."  
  
"You don't want to know."  
  
"Okay."  
  
There was a moment of silence in which everyone could hear Carter struggling with all his might to remove the object.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"A light bulb."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
Susan turned to the patient, "You put a light bulb up your."  
  
He cut her off before she could finish, "Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
He answered in an unusually calm tone considering what he was currently going through, "I was bored."  
  
"Wasn't there anything good on TV?"  
  
Before the patient could ask Carter let out a loud cry, "Got it."  
  
All of them looked at what he was holding in his hand. "Man that's huge." Said Abby with Susan nodding in agreement.  
  
Carter addressed the patient showing him the light bulb, "Now what has this taught you?"  
  
"Not to put a light bulb up my ass?"  
  
"Not just a light bulb. Anything that you can not easily get out."  
  
"Okay Doc."  
  
Carter went back to the two ladies, "You know there are certain times when I wonder why I ever became a doctor."  
  
"Certainly wasn't for the money." Abby replied.  
  
Carter gave her a look that he intended to be glaring but actually made Abby smile. He then turned his attention to Susan who also had a smile on her face, "Any more traumas come in?"  
  
"One but he was dead before he got here."  
  
"How many does that made tonight?"  
  
"Three."  
  
They all shared a moment of reflective silence. Despite encountering death on nearly a daily basis it was still hard to deal with at times.  
  
Carter pulled out his pen and began to write on the patient's chart. While he was doing this he was telling Abby what to do with the patient. When he was done Abby confirmed that she had got it all down and him and Susan left the room. When he thought they were out of Abby's earshot Carter looked up at Susan and said, "Have you got a hair-cut?"  
  
"Yeah. You know you are the only person who has said anything."  
  
"Looks good."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
There was some awkward silence between the two before Susan attempted to change the subject, "Light bulb, huh"  
  
"Yeah. It doesn't quite seem like a week's work without taking something out of someone's ass."  
  
"What's the weirdest thing you have ever," Susan tried to select an acceptable word. ".removed?"  
  
"I don't know. Probably a pen."  
  
"A pen. That's not that unusual."  
  
"This was a solid gold pen."  
  
"Solid gold?"  
  
"Must have been worth a few thousands."  
  
"Okay maybe it was unusual."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Broom."  
  
"What? A broom handle?"  
  
"Nope. A complete broom."  
  
"How did they say it got up there."  
  
"Fell on it."  
  
They shared a laugh at how often that is given as an excuse. When they stopped their eyes met and they shared a look. However before either of them could do anything else the doors to the ambulance bay were smashed open. Two paramedics were furiously working, "We need some help here!"  
  
Both Susan and Carter rushed over to them and saw a body covered in blood. "What you got?" 


	4. This Space Is Available For Advertisemen...

Chapter 4  
  
Kovac was treating a patient in exam room 3 when he saw Abby walked past the door. He quickly finished what he was doing and went to the door, "Abby!"  
  
She turned round to see who had called her name, "Yeah?"  
  
"Do you have a minute?"  
  
She looked a little uncomfortable, "Sure. What is it?"  
  
Kovac walked her out of the corridor and into a side room, "I just wanted to explain."  
  
"Explain what?" She said with a puzzled look.  
  
"Early today." Abby still didn't know what he was talking about. "The trauma?" Luka had noticed Abby's confusion.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I don't want you to think I did that because of you and Carter."  
  
"Me and Carter?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What about me and Carter?"  
  
"You know."  
  
"No, I don't know."  
  
"Well anyway, I did it because I didn't think Carter could do it."  
  
"Okay. Fine."  
  
"I just wanted you to know that."  
  
"Alright. Now I know."  
  
She turned and walked away. Luka opened his mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
Abby arrived at the admin desk to discover Chuny and Haleh in deep discussion.  
  
"What you two gossiping about?"  
  
"We're not gossiping." replied Haleh.  
  
"Really?" Abby looked at them with raised eyebrows.  
  
"Okay." Chuny couldn't stop herself. "Guess who I saw staring into each other's eyes."  
  
Abby despite herself also couldn't resist decent gossip and office romance is like the holy grail of gossip. "Who?"  
  
The two nurses looked at each other as if deciding who got the privilege of spreading the news. Chuny leaned in towards Abby and said in a whisper, "Carter and Susan."  
  
"Carter and Susan?" said Abby in shock.  
  
"Uh-huh. Saw it with my own eyes." Chuny said as if Abby doubted her.  
  
"Can you believe it?" said Haleh to no one in particular.  
  
"Carter and Susan?" Abby was still in shock.  
  
"He did have a crush on her when he was a med student." Haleh took any opportunity to share her vast gossip knowledge.  
  
Abby managed to not repeat the names for a third time. "I didn't know that."  
  
"Oh yeah. But she thought he was too young."  
  
"I guess not any more."  
  
Abby tuned out their conservation and focused solely on the revelation that she had just been given. Carter and Susan? She couldn't believe it. They just didn't seem like a couple. Although thinking about it he did seem to look at her when she wasn't looking. And he always perked up whenever she was around. Maybe they could be a couple. Maybe she would have.  
  
Abby was brought back into the real world to see the two nurses looking at her, "Sorry, what?"  
  
Chuny was the one asking the question, "Do you think they will get together?"  
  
"Err.Sure. Why not?"  
  
"They don't seem like a couple to me." Chuny nodded in agreement with this statement by Haleh.  
  
"I don't know. You get the weirdest couples." Abby was speaking but not really concentrating on what she was saying.  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Yeah just look at."  
  
Abby left the two nurses to discuss other weird couples they know and went to try and find Carter. She didn't know what she was going to say but she knew that she needed to talk to him. She found him in Trauma working franticly trying to save someone's life. She was about to go in when she saw Susan came in from the other room carrying some medical equipment. Abby just stood there frozen and watched the two of them working together. Many thoughts flashed through her mind at that moment. It must have looked as if someone had turned her to stone. In fact that is exactly what passed through Carter's mind when he looked up and saw her. "Abby!"  
  
She heard her name being called and was about to look around to find out who had said it when she saw Carter waving her to come inside. "Get in here!" She opened the door and was confronted with an array of alarms going off. "We need some help."  
  
It was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment in time but she didn't even give it a second thought. 


	5. How Do You Know That A Bottomless Pit Is...

Chapter 5  
  
They had been desperately working on the trauma for over an hour but they all knew that they had failed. Carter asked to no one in particular, "How long has he been down?"  
  
Abby looked at the clock and replied, "About half an hour."  
  
Carter looked at Susan then at Abby and said, "Alright" He paused and let out a sigh, "Time of death 10:29."  
  
He immediately walked straight out of the room. Abby wanted to go and follow him but she knew that he needed to be left alone.  
  
The trauma room seemed suddenly a lot smaller. He needed to get some fresh air. He needed to get out of there. The cool night air of Chicago was just what he needed. It always got to him. Always. Whatever anyone says you never get used to it. He had known that the guy had little hope when he was brought it but that didn't seem to make any difference. There is nothing worse than having someone die on you. However the difference between an average doctor and a good doctor was how you reacted to it. And Carter was a good doctor. After a few minutes collecting his thoughts and went back inside. He went over to the admin desk and picked up a chart. The first rule of medicine is you can't save everybody.  
  
Inside the trauma room Susan was still filling in the chart when she faced Abby and said, "Do you think he will be alright?"  
  
"He'll be fine."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"It's Carter."  
  
"I know. But he seemed to take it very hard."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Maybe I should go talk to him."  
  
"Give him some time. He knows you can't save everybody."  
  
"Yeah. Okay."  
  
Susan remained concerned about Carter but realised that Abby was probably right. She turned her attention back to the chart.  
  
It was over half an hour until Abby finally got a chance to talk to Carter. He was in the corridor suturing someone's arm. "Hey. You got a minute?"  
  
"Sure." He finished off what he was doing and gave a few instructions to the patient. "What is it?"  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah I'm fine."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"I'm fine." There was a hint of frustration in his voice.  
  
Abby decided that he probably wanted her to change the subject, "You heard the hot new piece of gossip?"  
  
Carter wasn't too interested in what the gossip machine churned out but he knew that Abby was so he tried to fake enthusiasm, "What?"  
  
"There's a new office couple."  
  
"Really? Who?"  
  
"You and Susan." She watched him intently as if she could read from his face what he was thinking.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You and Susan."  
  
He was suddenly lost for words.  
  
"One of the nurses saw you too making eyes at each other."  
  
"And from that they got we're a couple?"  
  
"Ah. So it is true."  
  
"No, we're not a couple."  
  
"I was talking about the eyes thing.'  
  
"Oh." Carter realised that Abby had set a trap for him and he had fallen for it hook, line and sinker.  
  
"Do you.you know.want to?"  
  
"To what?" Carter wasn't quite sure what exactly Abby was asking him.  
  
"Date her?"  
  
Relief flooded across Carter's face, "Oh date her. I don't know. I might."  
  
It was his turn to watch her face for the reaction. "I think you should."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. You too would make a lovely couple." Abby really had to force out the last few words.  
  
"Well then. Maybe I should ask her."  
  
"I think you should."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
There was an awkward silence between the two as neither of them could think of anything else to say. Finally Abby spoke, "I probably should be" She pointed down the corridor. ", going."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Abby took one final look at Carter's face and proceeded to walk off. She couldn't quite believe what had just happened. She had told him to ask Susan out on a date. Why? That was the last thing she wanted him to do. Why did she do it? She racked her brain but couldn't come up with an answer.  
  
Carter watched Abby as she walked away. Did she just do what he thought she did. Yeah, she had told him to ask out Susan. That was the last thing he had expected her to do. It had totally thrown him into confusion. Was she telling him that she didn't want him? Was this her way of rejecting him before he even asked? Or maybe she didn't know about his true feelings and was just being a good friend. Whatever her reason for doing what she did the real question was should he take her advice. He realised that this was one of those moments when you arrive at a fork in the road of life. And he remembered the advice that Gamma had given him when you encounter one of those. Take the fork. 


	6. I Tried To Fight Them But There Are Way ...

Chapter 6  
  
Susan had taken Abby's advice and not tried to talk to Carter. However about half an hour later she had a change her mind. She went to find Carter to see if he was okay but when she did she saw him talking to Abby. She couldn't believe what Abby was doing. Hadn't see told her not half an hour ago not to talk to carter and now here she was doing exactly that. Why would she do that? Susan tried to put those thoughts out of her mind and go back to work. However she couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't work out why Abby would tell her one thing and do another. What was her motive? Then it hit her. Abby wanted Carter. Maybe she didn't know it but she wanted him. The more she thought about this the more it made sense. It was as if this was the missing piece in jigsaw puzzle. Suddenly Susan could now see the bigger picture. Abby wanted Carter. The question now was whether he wanted her. She thought about this and came to the conclusion that he probably didn't know because if it did then surely he would go for it. Or would he? He had certainly wanted her in the past but did he still want her? These questions endlessly ran through Susan's mind. She didn't know what she should do. She thought that there was possibly something between her and Carter but these questions threw that into doubt. What should she do? She was disturbed from her thoughts by Abby, "Have you seen the ET tubes?"  
  
"No."  
  
There was silence as Abby looked through the shelves and Susan tried to decide whether or not she should say anything. "Why did you tell me not to go to talk to Carter?"  
  
"What?" Abby was surprised by the question and how direct Susan was being.  
  
"You said that it would be best to leave Carter alone then I see you talking to him. I want to know why."  
  
"It was half an hour later and I just wanted to see if he was okay."  
  
"So did I but you told he not too."  
  
"He wanted to be left alone."  
  
'How did you know?"  
  
"I, I" Abby was suddenly lost for words. ", I just knew."  
  
"Well, next time I don't want any of your advice."  
  
"Fine. In the future I won't say anything."  
  
"Fine." Susan had enough of the conservation and started to walk away.  
  
Not before Abby could say, "He's okay, by the way."  
  
Susan stopped for a moment but didn't respond then carried on.  
  
***  
  
Carter had come to a decision. For the first time in a long time he had decided. He knew what he wanted. The only problem was could he get it.  
  
However for the moment he had to concentrate on his work. A woman had come into the ER because she had discovered lesions covering her skin. Apart from that the woman was apparently in excellent health. Carter didn't know what was wrong with her. He took another look at her chart and then ordered the usual series of tests. The patient seemed a little worried by the number of these tests, "Don't worry Mrs Jessup. It is just standard procedure."  
  
She noticeably relaxed, "It's miss."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Miss Jessup. Not Mrs."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry." Carter made a little note on the chart.  
  
"Don't be. I'm not." She smiled. "Do you know what is wrong with me?"  
  
"That's what the tests are for."  
  
"It's just that I have never seen anything like this before. Anywhere."  
  
"Don't worry we get all sorts here."  
  
"Okay, thanks Doc."  
  
Carter smiled and exited the room. As soon as he was out of the room a puzzled look appeared on his face. He really didn't know what was wrong with that woman and that kind of disturbed him. However he figured that there is no one who knows every possible disease. So he would wait for the tests, maybe they could shed some light on the mystery.  
  
He was so lost in these thoughts that he didn't see Susan approach him, "Hey Carter. Carter!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Anything the matter?"  
  
"Just a patient." He pointed to the door behind him. "A woman covered with yellow lesions especially on the joints. Do you have any idea what it could be?"  
  
Susan thought for a moment but couldn't come up with anything, "Nope sorry. What do the tests say?"  
  
"Just sent them off."  
  
Susan nodded and there was silence between the two. "You okay?" She tried to sound as compassionate as she possibly could.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine. Why?"  
  
"Well after the trauma today."  
  
Carter cut her off before she could finish. "I'm was just angry at losing him. And before you say it I know, 'you win some, you lose some'."  
  
"That wasn't exactly what I was going to say but it would have sounded similar."  
  
"I just thought I could have saved him."  
  
"I know what you mean. You work really hard, you think you've saved them and then they go and die on you."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"It's inconsiderate really." They both smiled.  
  
Again there was silence between them. It was Susan who spoke, "Hey Carter, what you doing tonight?" She carried on without waiting for him to answer. "Because I was thinking, would you like to get something to eat?"  
  
He looked down at the floor, "Normally I would love too but I have plans or at least I am in the process of making plans. If you know what I mean."  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
"Maybe some other time."  
  
"Sure." Susan tried hard to cover it up but Carter could see that she was upset. "I really should be going." She pointed at nowhere in particular and started to walk off in that direction. As she was leaving she said over her shoulder in a low voice, "Maybe some other time."  
  
Carter couldn't help but felt bad about what he had just done. However he knew that it needed to be done. He couldn't go out on a date with Susan even though a part of him wanted too. He had decided, it was Abby that he wanted. He knew that. All he needed to do know was ask. The only problem was he had no idea how the hell he was going to do this. 


	7. I Am Not A Number. I Am A Free Chapter! ...

Chapter 7  
  
"Hey Carter what you doing out here?"  
  
"Thinking."  
  
"Oh. What about?"  
  
"Is humour really a sense?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know. People have a sense of humour, right? But there are only five senses; hearing, sight, smell, taste and touch. So how is humour a sense?"  
  
"I don't know. I never really thought about it."  
  
"Then you have common sense."  
  
"Carter!"  
  
"I think you better go inside."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But I think about what you said."  
  
"You do that."  
  
***  
  
"Okay what you got?"  
  
"The labs came back on Mrs Jessup."  
  
"Miss."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Miss Jessup. Huh."  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"This doesn't make any sense."  
  
"Are they the wrong labs?"  
  
"No. But. It doesn't matter."  
  
***  
  
"Hi, Miss Jessup."  
  
"Call me Emma. Doctor?"  
  
"Carter. John Carter."  
  
"So Dr Carter, what is wrong with me?"  
  
"To be honest we haven't been able to work it out yet."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"We still have a number of tests still to run."  
  
"Could it be one of those diseases that is so rare that they would name it after me?"  
  
"Possibly."  
  
"The Jane Jessup disease."  
  
"It does have a certain ring to it."  
  
"Could it be fatal?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"However there is reason to suspect it is."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I'm going to go order those tests but I will be back very shortly."  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you think you could call my sister?"  
  
"Sure. What is the number?"  
  
"Here."  
  
"Okay, I'll go call her right now."  
  
"You should probably know that I haven't spoken to her in ten years."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"She had a falling out then she moved to Seattle. A week quickly became a month and then a year. Then suddenly ten years had passed. I suppose we were both to proud to call each other. But when you hear that you might be dying that doesn't seem to matter anymore."  
  
"You're probably not dying, Miss Jessup."  
  
"Still I want you to call her."  
  
"I understand."  
  
***  
  
"Oh, hey Susan. Susan!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"About earlier,"  
  
"It's fine Carter."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm great."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I just be,"  
  
"Yeah we too."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"So Carter what was that about?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Come on I'm not stupid. Something happened between the two of you."  
  
"It was nothing!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I have to make a call."  
  
***  
  
"Hello, is this Brenda Jessup?"  
  
"Brenda Jameson. I just go married."  
  
"Oh, congratulations."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"I'm Doctor Carter calling from County General in Chicago. It is about your sister Jane."  
  
"Is there something the matter?"  
  
"Yes. She was admitted to the ER several hours ago. We are not exactly sure what is wrong with her but she wanted me to call you."  
  
"Is it serious?"  
  
"We're not sure."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Mrs Jameson?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"She asked me to call you. She obviously wants to get past any disagreements that the two of you may have had in the past. I think it would mean a lot to her if you came to Chicago."  
  
"I can't do that. I am really busy at the moment. There is no way I can go to Chicago. Call me if there is a change."  
  
"Mrs Jameson? Mrs Jameson?"  
  
***  
  
"Do you call her Doc?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"She's said she was very busy at the moment."  
  
"She's not coming?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I can't believe her. No wait, yes I can. Just as selfish as always. Here I am lying on what may be my deathbed and she can't come because she is busy."  
  
"She did say that I should call her if there was any change in your condition."  
  
"Don't bother."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah. Obviously ten years wasn't enough."  
  
***  
  
"I thought I would find you here. You really should quit. They'll be the dead of you."  
  
"There are worse ways to go."  
  
"I suppose."  
  
'Anyway I'll only miss the last few years and we all know they are the worst."  
  
"But don't you want to grow old with the one you love?"  
  
"I think you have watched too many Disney films Carter."  
  
"I do kind of expect the animals to talk to me when I'm at the zoo."  
  
"That has nothing to do with Disney. That's because you're insane."  
  
"Insane? Me? I think I would have noticed that."  
  
"Why else would someone as rich as you work here?"  
  
"I have my reasons. Anyway I came out here to apologise."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier."  
  
"No you shouldn't have."  
  
"You're not making this easy."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well something did happen between me and Susan."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah we,"  
  
"Abby we need you in here."  
  
"Just a minute"  
  
"Now!" 


End file.
